Man Finds Ted Cruz Drowning and Throws Him a Cement Life Preserver
WASHINGTON, D.C. — While it’s not clear at this time exactly why Senator Ted Cruz went for a swim in the Potomac river last night,...
Readjusting To Civilian Life: Donald Trump Keeps Accidentally Shitting All Over The Floor Because His Mar A Lago Toilet Is In A Different Place Than The White House Toilet He’s Used To
Any major change in life always requires a bit of getting used to, and according to a new report, it seems that is especially true...
’90s Kids Rejoice! PBS Is Re-Releasing The Banned ‘Magic School Bus’ Episode Where The Class Shrinks Down And Tails Ms. Frizzle’s Boyfriend To Find Out If He’s Cheating On Her
If you grew up in the ‘90s, you definitely watched A LOT of The Magic School Bus. However, there’s one infamous episode you probably haven’t...
500-POUND MAN SPREAD CORONAVIRUS TO 372 PASSENGERS AFTER WET FARTING IN AIRPLANE ON FLIGHT TO CANCUN
An Illinois man has accidentally infected over 300 passengers with the coronavirus while on a flight to Cancun. Henry Collins, 42, was on a flight...
Tomi Lahren Wants NASA To Rename Black Holes Because ‘All Holes Matter’
By James Schlarmann VAPID VALLEY, TEXAS — Conservative right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributor Tributary Lahren told a radio host today that she was...
Closest McDonald’s Franchise to the White House Files Bankruptcy
By Adam Hawkes CAPITOL HILL — McDonald’s general manager, Richard Reid, says with the former president leaving the White House, the restaurants future looks bleak....
Trevor Noah Exposes Fox News’ ‘Blue Lives Matter’ Hypocrisy
Unlike pretty much every other late-night host, Trevor Noah was still on hiatus when MAGA insurrectionists took over the U.S. Capitol two weeks ago. So...
Newsmax May Not Destroy Fox News, but Will Annoy the Shit Out of It
The fringe right-wing cable network finally took the Fox News behemoth down a peg, but how long will it actually last? After years of cultivating...
Ron Paul Banned From Facebook For Inciting Dangerous Levels Of Liberty
U.S.—Ron Paul has been banned from Facebook for inciting a dangerous amount of liberty, freedom, and personal responsibility on his page. "Our Community Standards clearly...