Pharmaceutical Company Invents New Mental Disorder
Pfizer Corp. announced its introduction and cure of a widespread new mental disorder today. Characterized by periodic feelings of anxiety relating specifically to the individual’s […]
FAKE NEWS
Disrespectful Band of Racist Children Commence Construction on Border Wall
Armed with little more than some borrowed tools, a few pieces of scrap metal, some spare wood and a single handgun between them, a bully […]
Denmark Offers to Buy U.S.
By Andy Borowitz August 16, 2019 COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced […]
Damning Report: Mom’s Investigation Into Why This Restaurant Keeps The AC Up So High Has Concluded That It’s Because They Want Their Customers To Freeze
Lunch today was supposed to be a relaxed, casual affair, but in light of some shocking revelations, it’s turned out to be anything but: Mom’s […]
PROSTITUTE AVOIDS JAIL TIME AFTER BEING DIAGNOSED AS ‘SPERMAHOLIC’
A 67-year-old woman from Houston was released Tuesday after admitting to engaging in prostitution, but has ultimately avoided jail time after being diagnosed as a […]
A Californian man who had been missing for over two weeks after a three-day planned hiking trip was found alive this week at the southwestern edge of Yosemite National Park.
A Californian man who had been missing for over two weeks after a three-day planned hiking trip was found alive this week at the southwestern […]
A couple from Florida is reported missing after deciding to have sex in the Miami River while wearing dolphin mascot costumes.
27-year old Steve Bernards and 25-year Erica Sanders are an adventurous couple known for posting videos of their various outdoor sexual experiences on various pornographic […]
BABYSITTER TRANSPORTED TO HOSPITAL AFTER INSERTING A BABY IN HER VAGINA
Cincinnati, Ohio | A 31-year old woman was admitted to the University of Cincinnati Medical Center yesterday after the 14-month old toddler she was babysitting got stuck […]
Trump Works Out Deal with Mexican President: ‘They’re Paying For The Wall, We’re Giving Them Back Texas’
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump announced today that he and Mexican President Andres Manual Lopez came to an agreement about the border wall “fiasco,” and […]
OBAMA TO REQUIRE CANNABIS OIL VACCINATIONS FOR ALL CHILDREN
Obama wants to inject your school children with medical marijuana. In a shocking report delivered at 5:52 a.m. Eastern time, officials from the White House confirmed […]