WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump told Americans watching a Fox News town hall on the coronavirus outbreak today that he was “bigly grateful” self-quarantining does not keep from having his … Read More
HEAVEN—The CDC now recommends that everyone stay home and avoid going out as much as possible. Despite this, reports are that God is breaking quarantine and going absolutely everywhere. Hospitals, … Read More
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In real news that totally actually happened, President Trump has announced that in the interest of public safety, the 2020 presidential election has been canceled. “It’s just too risky,” … Read More
In a stunning new development, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi ordered all Republicans members of the House to take mandatory IQ tests. Any Republican not scoring at least 50 … Read More
WASHINGTON, DC–In cooperation with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, Wizco Toys of Montclair, NJ, recalled 245,000 Aqua Assault RoboFighters Monday after three dumb kids managed to kill themselves playing … Read More
DAYTONA BEACH, FLORIDA — Not everyone in attendance at the Daytona 500 this past weekend were supporters of his, but when a wealthy, coastal elite landed his big, taxpayer funded … Read More
ABILENE TEXAS—Grace Baptist Church’s evangelical team faithfully preaches the gospel to anyone who will listen—but the team’s members say they were pressured by the church leaders to pursue local softball … Read More
NEW YORK – Macy’s department store has fired yet another Santa Claus employee for being drunk at their Herald Square location in Manhattan, their fifth Santa termination since November 25th. … Read More
An Arizona resident intentionally rammed his pickup truck into a Tucson storefront last week during a burglary, police said. Mark Hammel, 19, was captured on surveillance cameras minutes before the … Read More
A fisherman lost at sea for 14 days off the coast of Florida has been rescued by the United States Coast Guard this week. Alvin McCallister, 72, was found on … Read More
