Love Thy Neighbor as Thy Love Thyself – Unless Thy Neighbor is a Fag
By: Jerry Wallingford As commanded by the books of Moses and recorded in Mark 12:28-34, I believe that one should love thy neighbor as thy...
President Trump Grateful Coronavirus Self-Quarantine Doesn’t Preclude Him From ‘Intimate Times’ With The Ones He Loves
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump told Americans watching a Fox News town hall on the coronavirus outbreak today that he was “bigly grateful” self-quarantining does...
God To Ignore Quarantine And Continue Being Everywhere
HEAVEN—The CDC now recommends that everyone stay home and avoid going out as much as possible. Despite this, reports are that God is breaking quarantine...
Trump Cancels 2020 Election Over Coronavirus Concerns
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In real news that totally actually happened, President Trump has announced that in the interest of public safety, the 2020 presidential election has been...
Nancy Pelosi Orders Mandatory IQ Tests for All Republicans in Congress
In a stunning new development, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi ordered all Republicans members of the House to take mandatory IQ tests. Any Republican...
Popular Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids
WASHINGTON, DC–In cooperation with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, Wizco Toys of Montclair, NJ, recalled 245,000 Aqua Assault RoboFighters Monday after three dumb kids...
NASCAR Fans Roar Approval As Wealthy Coastal Elitist Pretends To Care About Their Culture
DAYTONA BEACH, FLORIDA — Not everyone in attendance at the Daytona 500 this past weekend were supporters of his, but when a wealthy, coastal elite...
Man Suspects Church Just Wanted Him For His Softball-Playing Skills
ABILENE TEXAS—Grace Baptist Church’s evangelical team faithfully preaches the gospel to anyone who will listen—but the team’s members say they were pressured by the church...
Macy’s Fires Another Santa for Drinking on the Job
NEW YORK – Macy’s department store has fired yet another Santa Claus employee for being drunk at their Herald Square location in Manhattan, their fifth...