Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New ‘Intelligent Falling’ Theory
KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this...
Hard Work Pays Off: This Guy Who Started Smoking When He Was 12 Is Now Super Good At Smoking
If you need a role model who will teach your kids that’s it’s important to stick to your goals even when you struggle initially, look...
Starbucks Introduces New Heathen Holiday Blend For 2021
The limited-time only beverage is available in Rancid or Sludge flavors mixed with one or two scoops of yesterday's coffee grounds and is served in...
Oof, Probably Not The Best Idea In This Climate, Bud: This Man Tied His Mental Well-Being To His Financial Success, Physical Health, And Romantic Life
Brace yourself before you read this article, because you’re about to feel some major secondhand pain for a guy who made some life plans that...
MY NAME IS TRUMP, KING OF KINGS, LOOK UPON MY WORKS YE MIGHTY AND DES- … STOP LAUGHING, IT’S NOT FUNNY!
Donald Trump is so bad at everything, including manifesting his obvious desire to be a tinpot dictator with tiny hands and a body that is...
Dr. Phil (Not A Doctor) Talking Some Fake Shutdown Bullsh*t
Laura Ingraham is anxious for the economy to reopen — probably because she misses dining out at her favorite restaurant on gourmet baby souls. Actual...
DEAR FOX NEWS VIEWERS: DO NOT INJECT YOURSELF WITH BLEACH OR TRY TO SWALLOW A TANNING BED
We fucking said it. Laura Ingraham might have still been fucking that hydroxychloroquine chicken the other night (maybe the chicken looked like Dinesh D'Souza) but...
Dr. Oz Is Gross And Weird And Bad
Who wants to watch a clip of Dr. Oz saying really weird and gross and bad things to Sean Hannity about how it would be...
MAN ARRESTED AT THE FRANCE-GERMANY BORDER FOR SMUGGLING 2,500 SURGICAL MASKS IN HIS RECTAL CAVITY
A French citizen was arrested during a border control while returning from Germany. A cavity search revealed dozens of preservatives filled with 2,500 contraband surgical...