By James Schlarmann–January 12, 2023
House Republicans announced today that they intend to open a congressional investigation on whether classified documents returned by aides to President Biden to the National Archives contain Barack Obama’s actual birth certificate, or Hillary Clinton’s Benghazi “stand down” order. First, however, they intend to have MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell and his crack dealer vet the documents.
“Ordinarily, I’d have my team of sasquatch lawyers handle it,” Lindell said on OANN this morning, “but they were all too busy, so I decided to ask my crack dealer to help out. Luckily for me, and my crack habit, my dealer is always available for me, so we look forward to exposing everything, once we have a chance to doctor – I mean vet – the docs.”
Alleged Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) has not decided who will run the select subcommittee in charge of the investigation, but told reporters today “that decision will be made in short order.”
“As soon as Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz, and Lauren Boebert tell me what I should think about this decision, which I can only assume they’ll know once Donald Trump tells them what they think,” McCarthy explained, “I’ll be able to let you all in on the process, and tell you who will lead this inquisition.”