COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — Right-wing podcaster Jethro Bohiggins and his wife/cousin/sister Janine are on the outs again. That’s because Janine says she’s “sick and tired of Jethro’s bullshit.”
No matter what race issue it is, Janine says that Jethro “just has to Klansplain it” to her as if she’s “not capable of making up [her] own racist mind.” She’s fed up with Jethro “acting like he put the ‘Grand’ in ‘Grand Wizard’” and she wants him to recognize that she was the one that made him as racist as he is today. Without her influence, Janine says that Bohigigns may never have known that the government of Mexico is trying to subvert America from within using restaurants like Taco Bell and Del Taco.
“I told him about the silent but deadly invasion from the south,” Janine railed. “Without me, he’d still be eating chalupies and gore-ditt-uhs, you know? He’d be snacking on KAY-SO-DILL-UHS if it wasn’t for me! Yet he thinks he’s still gotta tell me about how brown people are just more criminal and dirty by their nature?! Get bent, Jethro!”
While Janine says she hasn’t made up her mind if Jethro’s behavior is something she’s ready to break with him over, she’s still “beyond exhausted with him constantly trying to prove he’s more racist” than she is.
“I already know Barack Obama is really Barry Soetoro and his wife is a man named Moo-Shell, literally,” Janine shouted at our reporter, “so why does my fuckin’ cousin have to act like he knows more about the non-whites in this country than his own damn sister! It really makes me wanna divorce his goofy ass!”
BY JAMES SCHLARMANN